Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Three Examinations special

1) Special offer........ Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal's office and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.

Hurry offer valid until exams only....

2) It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary). Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.

Say NO to EXAMS

3) Student's declaration at the end of answer paper. It Reminds me of Disclaimer Notices!

"I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2 the best of mine & my friend's knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever 4 any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious & any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental."

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"

The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!!"

This is one of them, remaining 100 I will tell u later

Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."


· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "hair cut" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days."


· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start searching.

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....

That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .

Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......!

Spotting a zombie can be a difficult task. corporate types and most politicians can be easily mistaken for the life impaired. caution and common sense are always the rule when a non life-impaired citizen attempts to: A)Identify and B)Destroy a zombie. The following is a list of things to look for when presence of the life impaired is suspect:

--> DISHEVELED APPEARANCE
--> UNRESPONSIVE TO COMMUNICATION
--> PALE, OFTEN CLAMMY OR DECOMPOSING SKIN
--> NO CONCEPT OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
--> MOTIVATION TO EAT THE BRAINS OF THE LIVING

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer
for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your
notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column,
only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked
with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in
keyboard.

Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password
is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request
you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '
has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so
that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find
only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS'
(playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when u will provide that?

10. And what's this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad lekhin
there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', what bout the rest?

11. And this thing is limit. Here it says 'MY Pictures' but there is
not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

with sincere regards
Banta singh