I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people

who have forwarded chain emails to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007

and I want you to know that

because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's only good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I stopped using my ATM card because I am afraid that

someone might have installed a small device on the ATM machine that will steal my ATM card number and my pin number when I am typing it in.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo .

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me,

then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.

A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.

(Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made,

expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me (when I participated in their special-mail program) would arrive soon.

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

I am still open to helping someone from Bulgaria

who wants to use my account to transfer his late uncle's property of some hundred million dollars.